The Summer I Said Yes

Sometimes, when I look back at the photos from our trip to Sweden, I have to pinch myself.

Did that really happen?

Because when I think about everything I did... everything I managed to do... everything I dared to do despite being absolutely terrified... it almost feels like I am looking at someone else.

The evening before the wedding, we gathered for a barbecue by the river. The air smelled of grilled food, laughter floated through the warm summer evening, and the golden light wrapped itself around everyone. Many of the guests wore beautiful long dresses, while I arrived in shorts and a rather revealing top, with a bikini hidden underneath. The plan was simple: barbecue, mingle... and maybe go for a swim.. 

Now, if you know my mum's side of the family, you'll know they're basically Vikings. Show them a lake, a river, the sea, it doesn't matter, they'll be in the water before you've finished your sentence.

And apparently, so will I.

My social anxiety was screaming at me to stay put. To stay covered. To stay invisible.

But then I spotted my uncle heading towards the river.

In what felt like the blink of an eye, my watch, bracelets and clothes were off, and my sister and I were sprinting after him, laughing as we beat him into the water.

Just imagine that for a second.

There I was, surrounded by people I'd never met before, many dressed elegantly for the wedding weekend... and I simply jumped in.

ME.

The same person who so often worries she's too big, too awkward, too much.

I didn't let those thoughts win.

Afterwards, I sat among everyone wrapped in nothing but a towel, chatting, smiling, enjoying the warm evening as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

Sometimes I still struggle to believe that was really me.

And no, I can't even blame it on the alcohol. I'd barely had any.

Then came the wedding itself.

My two sisters and I stood up to give our speech before singing Annie's Song. My heart was racing, my hands were shaking, but somehow, once we started, everything settled. We sang together, and I even added a little harmony. It felt beautiful. It felt brave.

Looking back now, I realise this trip wasn't just about travelling to Sweden.

It was about saying YES.

Yes to cold water. Yes to singing. Yes to being seen. Yes to making memories instead of excuses.

Maybe courage isn't the absence of fear after all.

Maybe it's simply choosing joy while fear is still holding your hand.

And perhaps that's the sweetest part of summer: it quietly reminds us that life begins just outside the edge of our comfort zone.

What doesn't kill you doesn't just make you stronger.

Sometimes... it makes you lighter.

Sometimes... it makes you HAPPIER...

- Merry -