The day...

Today is the day.

Not to be overly dramatic or anything…

But today was the day... 

The day my life changed, for the better...

The day when light entered my life at a time I needed it most.

The kind of light that felt almost too good to be true.

I’ll let the words from the song For Good describe part of it:

“I've heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn…

…Because I knew you,

I have been changed for good.”

The song says the rest better than I ever could.

Because that’s exactly how it felt.

All these years…they meant so much to me. At least the good parts.

The part where light found its way in.

The part where joy returned.

The part where someone believed in me more than I believed in myself.

Having someone become the voice in my head that tells me not to tear myself down.

Learning who I was by learning to know others.

Learning, slowly, how to be social.

Finding myself piece by piece.

Finding my voice, even if it first happened in a virtual world.

Today, I don’t dare celebrate this day too loudly.

Maybe because I’m afraid it won’t mean as much on the other side... 

Maybe because I’m afraid it means nothing at all.

Maybe that’s just a defense mechanism.

Protecting myself.

Numbing it a little.

Putting on a “whatever” face, because life moves on, and there is always more to it.

But I can’t lie... 

Deep down, I know that special someone still matters to me.

I feel it when they make me laugh.

When they talk about their day, and I genuinely care about how it went... 

When they speak about the people they love.

Their pets.

The things and people that matter to them.

When they share something they achieved and feel proud of... 

I can’t help but feel proud too. Ridiculously proud.

Happy, in a way that feels simple and honest.

So yes…

This was the day.

And no matter where we are now,

this day will always mean something to me.

Maybe not loudly... 

Maybe not very publicly... 

But quietly... in that private corner of my heart where some things never really leave.

- Merry - 

Cup overfilled...

Crying....

It is not weakness.

Sometimes....

Crying is just a sign that your cup is overfilled.

That you have carried things alone for far too long...

Maybe you did not really let yourself feel it in full...

But eventually, it catches you... 

It holds you tight...

It forces you to explode...

Realease...

Let go...

And like a phoenix, hopefully, you will come out stronger, wiser, in the other end... 

But for me... Crying have always been a sign of weakness someone taught me... 

I was taught to be bullied if I cried... 

So I stopped.... 

I hid it. And eventually stopped. 

So for me... Crying in itself is brave... 

But when you hold on for too long, 

and pretend that you are okay... 

Eventually the cup will be overfilled... 

And... Maybe it needs a trigger button... 

Like some words spoken to your heart... 

Or a song... 

Or something... 

The only way out is through, they say... 

And hopefully you find the warm light on the other side ❤️ 

- Merry - 

The Cracks...

When life closes its fist around your ribs

and forgets to loosen,

when the air feels borrowed

and every breath comes with a cost... 

When the walls lean in,

closer than they should,

and the door you remember

is nowhere to be found... 

What do you do?

When the weight has no name

but settles anyway,

quiet and certain,

like it belongs... 

When you walk forward, 

just to meet the same wall again,

familiar in the worst way... 

What do you do?

Maybe you sit in the dark, like I do...

Not because you’ve given up,

but because the dark

doesn’t ask anything from you.

Maybe you listen to the silence... 

Maybe you let the silence speak first,

until a melody slips through,

soft as a hand on your shoulder, 

and suddenly,

you’re not the only one here.

A voice you’ve never met

finds the exact shape of your ache,

puts words where yours fell apart,

and for a moment... 

Just a moment... 

the cage forgets to close all the way... 

You breathe.

Not fully. Not freely.

But enough.

And sometimes,

enough

is how the cracks begin...

To fix me... If only for a moment ❤️ 

- Merry - 

Music and me

Music doesn’t ask me to speak.

It asks me to feel.

A quiet acoustic whisper

on nights that need softness,

a roaring electric cry

when silence isn’t enough.

Always honest.

Always mine.

My meditation has strings,

has breath, has melody... 

a sound that carries me... 

far beyond the weight of now.

It takes me places

I’ve never seen,

lets me forget

what hurts too much to hold.

Lets me release it in my own personal river of tears...

Music was my first love.

It will be my last.

It stayed

when people didn’t.

It lifted me

when I couldn’t stand.

It gives a soul to the universe,

wings to the mind,

flight to imagination... 

and somehow,

it understands me

better than words ever could.

Because when music hits,

there is no pain, 

only truth.

It changes people.

It changes everything.

Sometimes,

one song

knows my heart

more deeply

than I ever could explain.

It speaks

when I cannot.

It is the voice

behind the silence.

So I listen,

to the soundtrack of my own heart,

turning it louder

than every restless thought.

Because music,

like breathing,

is not something I tire of.

It is my escape,

my refuge,

my unspoken language.

It carries joy.

It carries pain.

It carries everything in between.

And that feeling, 

when it reaches you,

when it touches something real... 

That feeling is magic.

Strong.

A miracle.

- Merry - 

Just a phone...

I keep telling myself, “It’s just a phone.” There are far worse things happening in the world, things that truly matter. And I know that. I really do.

But here’s the thing… this isn’t just about a phone.

So much of my escape lives there. The duets, the lives, the chats, the laughter. It’s where I connect with my world. It’s where I write, where I create, where I get a break from everything else. And right now, even trying to write a few lines feels impossible. The screen keeps glitching, turning black every half minute, cutting me off from what I’m doing, reading, writing, connecting.

From the outside, it probably looks small. Insignificant. And maybe, in the grand scheme of things, it is.

But sometimes… I need that small thing.

I need a place to step away. A place to breathe. A place to enjoy music, to create, to laugh, to be part of something. My phone gives me that. It lets me take pictures, film moments, make videos, express parts of myself that matter to me. Even being a moderator, being involved, feeling connected, it all lives there.

And now it feels like I’ve lost access to that part of me.

So yes, maybe it’s “just a phone.” Maybe it’s a small thing.

But right now, it doesn’t feel small.

And I think it’s okay to feel a little sad about that... Isnt it? 

Music is...

To turn it around

Here I am. Sitting in my car, stealing a quiet moment before a weekend I’ve already labeled as stressful even begins.

I’ve just come from the stable, helping a friend with the chores. And now it all waits for me... packing bags, getting the car ready, baking a cake for my child’s birthday celebration today, baking more for the choir café on Sunday, buying groceries for the cabin… and probably a handful of things I’ve already forgotten.  Things I’ll be reminded of later, maybe not so gently. All of this done alone, but that's how it is. That's life. 

And as I write this, I notice something... 

My mind is already pulling me under. Drowning me in that familiar current of pressure, expectations, and negative energy. It’s strange how easy it is to absorb what’s around you, the energies from those around you, to carry it, to become it. Like my brain has learned this pattern so well that it just… continues it on its own.

But what if I didn’t?

What if I pushed back against it?

What if I chose something else?

What if I allowed myself to be who I actually am, underneath all that noise?

Would I become the version of me my mother always saw, the one who brings light, who spreads warmth, who lifts a room instead of shrinking inside it?

Maybe this is where it shifts.

Maybe it starts with a decision.

To turn the thoughts around.

To soften the edges.

To make space for something good, even in the middle of everything that needs to get done.

To make plans, not just to get through the weekend, but to feel parts of it. To enjoy small moments. To stay connected to life instead of just rushing past it.

Maybe this doesn’t have to be a weekend from hell.

Maybe it becomes something else entirely.

Because mind over matter isn’t just a saying, it’s a quiet kind of power.

So I’ll try.

I’ll choose the better thought.

I’ll hold onto my own light.

And I’ll keep shining it, no matter what ❤️

– Merry –

A reflection on Beauty and Selflove

The Kind of Beauty That Doesn’t Fade: A Reflection on Self-Love

We grow up surrounded by stories that tell us what beauty looks like. Smooth skin, perfect smiles, effortless charm. But if you look a little closer, especially at the stories that stay with us, you’ll notice something deeper. The characters we love most aren’t the most flawless. They’re the ones who struggle, who doubt, who carry both light and darkness… and learn to accept all of it.

Self-love isn’t about becoming perfect. It’s about becoming whole.

Think about the message repeated throughout so many Disney stories. In Beauty and the Beast, Belle doesn’t fall in love with the Beast because he becomes handsome. He becomes beautiful because she sees past his exterior. His transformation isn’t just physical. It’s emotional. It’s about learning to love and be loved in return.

That’s the part we often forget.
That true beauty isn’t something you achieve, it’s something that’s revealed.

And that revelation usually begins when someone sees you for who you really are.

But even more powerful than being loved by someone else… is learning to see yourself that way.

There’s a line from Harry Potter that captures this perfectly:

“We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on.”

Self-love doesn’t mean ignoring your flaws or pretending your darker moments don’t exist. It means acknowledging them without letting them define your worth. It means understanding that you are not disqualified from being lovable just because you are imperfect.

Because you are.

Not “when you improve.”
Not “when you look better.”
Not “when you fix everything.”

Now.

One of the biggest lies we absorb is that love is earned through appearance. That people value us because we’re attractive, polished, or “put together.” But if you really think about the people who matter most in your life, the ones who truly love you, it’s not your appearance that holds them there, is it?

They don’t love you because you’re good-looking.

You become more beautiful to them because they love you.

And the same is true in reverse.

When you love someone deeply, they don’t fade in your eyes. They don’t become less beautiful with time or change. If anything, they become more so, because your love reshapes how you see them. Their face carries meaning. Their presence carries warmth. Their imperfections become part of what makes them… them.

So why is it so hard to extend that same grace to yourself?

Why do we insist on measuring our worth through such a narrow lens?

Self-love is not vanity. It’s not arrogance. It’s not standing in front of a mirror and convincing yourself you’re flawless.

It’s quieter than that.

It’s choosing not to tear yourself down when you could.
It’s forgiving yourself for being human.
It’s recognizing that your value is not tied to how closely you match an external ideal.

It’s understanding that you are worthy of love, not because of how you look, but because of who you are.

And just like in the stories we grew up with, the real transformation doesn’t happen when you change your appearance.

It happens when you change how you see yourself.

Because the truth is simple, even if it’s hard to believe at times.

You are not “just a pretty face.”
You are not your worst moment.
You are not the voice in your head that tells you you’re not enough.

You are someone capable of love, growth, kindness, and depth.

And that kind of beauty?

That doesn’t fade.
That doesn’t age.
That doesn’t need validation to exist.

It just needs to be recognized.

By you ❤️


Sorry...
Ms Merry had a lot to say this evening.
Know that you are beautiful, just the way you are ❤️

Either way, thanks for Reading this far ❤️

Good night 🥰

- Merry - 

New musicvideo review: Her Bravery

Hey all, it is yours truly, Merry here again... 

Here to review the newly released musicvideo of "Her Bravery" by Klaus Chiesa. 

Watching this again, after the premiere, full screen, with ZERO distractions, just me and the video. Slightly less hype, a bit more focus, and seeing it through the eyes of Merry… photographer, videomaker, and professional over-analyzer 🤣 And shall I say... With an oversensitive image brick inside my brain 🤯❤️ 

First off, I LOVE the effects. The close-ups when he sings? So intimate. The smoke? Beautiful. And that feeling of him standing in sunlight… it hits just right. As someone who’s a total sucker for contours and silhouettes, those shots where silhouettes blend with close-ups? I LOOOOVE that. Like seriously, inject it straight into my veins. ASAP!!! 

And the dust floating in the sunlight… OMG. That detail?? That’s the kind of thing that makes me lose IT, in the best way.... OF COURSE 🤣 

Then there’s that scene… the bright light coming toward him, he turns, watching the woman with the two kids walk away. That one got me emotional. Like… wow. So soft, so human, so real 🥹❤️

And don’t even get me started on the table scene, her sitting there, struggling, kids playing in the background. That’s where the tears hit 😭 It’s beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Way too relatable, on a personal level. 

The transitions? Smooth as hell. Everything just melts together perfectly. And the warmth in the color grading, the golden tones, sunlight hitting his face with those subtle shadow lines? That’s such a strong, intentional shot. It pulls you in without trying too hard.

And the final scene… him watching the three of them walk away together. Quiet. Heavy. Beautiful.

Also, can we talk about the overall vibe for a second? As a photographer… the quality and mood of this video low-key feels like watching one of those “after 11pm” grown-up films 😅 Not in a literal way, but in that soft, cinematic, slightly raw, almost too-real kind of intimacy. It has that texture. That depth. That atmosphere.

The fact that he made and edited this himself? That’s seriously impressive. You can feel the amount of love and effort poured into every second, to honor his mother, which this song is about. 

Hands down, this is my favorite music video by him.

If you haven’t seen it yet… do yourself a favor and watch it ❤️

👉 Her Bravery musicvideo 🎬 

You can also listen to the song on Spotify & all other streaming platforms for music 🎵

👉 Klaus Chiesa on Spotify 🎵 

Having been raised by such a mother that this song speaks about, and also at times, I have felt like one myself.... This song really means a lot to me on a personal level. 

Thats all for now ❤️ 

Thanks for Reading ❤️ 

- Merry - 

Beneath the Surface

 Some days, like today, the weather can’t seem to make up its mind... and neither can my body.

 It feels like I’m carrying an invisible weight, an ache that runs through every inch of me. A kind of inflammation you can’t see from the outside.

Because from the outside, I probably look just fine. Maybe even healthy, aside from a few extra kilos that simply mean there’s more of me to hold. More of me to love.

 But appearances don’t tell the full story. They rarely do.

Living with this kind of pain takes energy. More than most people realize. Just getting through the day can feel like a quiet battle.

So I lean on what helps me endure, humor, laughter, small moments of joy. Music that lifts me, love that warms me, the kind of distractions that let me forget, even if only for a little while. Simple comforts, like a warm bath… if only they were always within reach.

I guess I’m just thinking out loud, like I tend to do. But it’s true... there’s so much people carry that others never see. So much hidden beneath the surface.

A reminder, maybe... for myself as much as anyone else.. 

be gentle, and don’t judge a life by what it looks like on the outside.

Have a beautiful day

Merry

A Special moment

Last night, during his livestream, something happened that I still can’t quite explain...

The singer paused and asked, “What should I sing now?”

And without saying a word, I drifted into my own quiet, private thoughts. Deep down, almost shyly, I found myself Wishing, I wish he would sing “Hello.”
I didn’t type it. I didn’t say it out loud.
It was just a silent, secret longing I kept to myself.

And then… seconds later, he chose his next song.
It was that song.

The very one I had just been thinking of.
The feeling that hit me in that moment was overwhelming, more intense than any horror movie could ever be.

Not fear exactly, but something deeper… something unexplainable. It startled me in a way I can’t fully put into words.
It was just a moment...

And now, it’s already a memory.
But it’s one I’ve written down, made eternal in my diary.

Strange… a little scary… but also kind of beautiful ❤️🥹