Angel & Devil Within Me

... And the Light and Darkness We Carry... 

There is something I have been thinking about lately... 

Maybe we are all a little bit Angel and Devil Within? 

Not literally, of course. 

But inside every one of us, there are different sides fighting for space.

There is the gentle side.

The caring side.

The forgiving side.

The hopeful side.

The adventurous side. 

The side that wants to believe in people, even when people have given us reasons not to.

And then there is the darker side.

The angry side.

The hurt side.

The tired side.

The side that remembers every betrayal.

The side that sometimes wants to stop caring altogether.

To give up... 

And I don't think having that darkness makes us bad people.

Quite the opposite.

One of my favorite thoughts from Harry Potter comes from Sirius Black:

 “We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on.”

And honestly?

That is something I believe deeply.

Because being a good person doesn't mean you never feel anger.

It doesn't mean you never get jealous.

It doesn't mean you never have ugly thoughts.

It doesn't mean you never want to scream, walk away, or tell someone exactly what you think.

It means that you get to choose what you do with those feelings.

You can be angry without becoming cruel.

You can be hurt without becoming heartless.

You can know darkness without allowing it to become who you are.

And perhaps most importantly...

You can have darkness inside you and still choose the light.

The light in me

The Angel in the picture above, represents the parts of me I never want to lose.

My empathy.

My loyalty.

My ability to love deeply.

My ridiculous optimism. 

The part of me that still gets excited about music, magic, friendship, possibilities and tiny beautiful things.

The part that wants to believe that tomorrow might be better than today, even if the today sucked or even if we have no idea how the tomorrow will go... 

The part that keeps getting back up, even after falling.

Even after being disappointed.

Even after life has given me reasons to become bitter.

There is still a little voice inside me saying:

“Try again.”

And maybe that is one of the bravest things we can do.

Not remaining untouched by darkness.

But refusing to let it take away our ability to see the light.

And then there is the darkness...

I don't want to pretend it isn't there.

Because it is.

Sometimes the darkness is anger.

Sometimes it is fear.

Sometimes it is insecurity.

Sometimes it is exhaustion.

Sometimes it is the part of us that whispers:

“Why bother?”

And sometimes, I think, our darkness is simply the part of us that has been hurt and is desperately trying to protect us from being hurt again.

We shouldn't necessarily hate that part.

Maybe we should listen to it.

Understand it.

Give it a little compassion.

Because even our darkness is usually trying to tell us something. 

The important thing is that we don't hand it the steering wheel.

 “Help will always be given…”

There is another Harry Potter quote that has stayed with me for years.

Dumbledore says:

“Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.”

And I would like to change that slightly for real life.

Because Hogwarts isn't real.

But the idea behind those words can be.

Help can still be found in this world by those brave enough to ask for it.

Sometimes it comes from a friend.

Sometimes from family.

Sometimes from a stranger who happens to say exactly what we needed to hear.

Sometimes it comes through music.

Sometimes through a book.

Sometimes through a conversation at two in the morning.

Sometimes it comes from simply admitting:

“I'm not okay today.”

And there is absolutely no shame in that.

Even the strongest people need somewhere to put down their armor.

Harry had Ron and Hermione.

Sirius had people he loved.

Dumbledore had his own moments of doubt and darkness.

Even the characters we admire most were never completely untouched by pain.

And perhaps that is why they feel so human.

We don't have to choose between being light or dark.

Maybe the goal isn't to destroy the darkness.

Maybe the goal is to understand it without becoming it.

To carry both.

To acknowledge the angry parts.

The scared parts.

The broken parts.

The hopeful parts.

The loving parts.

The ambitious parts.

The ridiculous, chaotic, optimistic parts. 

All of them.

Because they are all pieces of the same person.

Us.

The Angel and the Devil aren't necessarily enemies.

They are reminders.

One reminds us of what we are capable of becoming.

The other reminds us of what we have survived.

And somewhere between them is where we make our choices.

Every single day.

So if you are having a dark day today, please remember:

You don't have to feel light to choose the light.

You don't have to be happy to be hopeful.

You don't have to be strong every minute.

You don't have to have everything figured out.

And you certainly don't have to face everything alone.

There is still magic in this world.

Maybe it isn't found in wands, spells or moving staircases.

Maybe it is found in people.

In friendship.

In kindness.

In music.

In laughter.

In second chances.

In someone reaching out their hand when you thought nobody would.

And perhaps the most magical thing of all is this:

Even when darkness surrounds us, we still get to choose which way we turn.

Toward the darkness.

Or toward the light.

 The choice is ours. 

And if you ask me which side I want to feed?

Well...

You already know the answer.

The light. Always the light. 

Even if I have to drag my slightly chaotic, stubborn, dramatic little inner devil along with me.

Because she is part of me too.

And maybe accepting that is the real magic.

- Merry -