I Did It. I Actually Did It. 🎉😭

I did it.

I actually did it 🎉🎉😭😭😭

I reached my first goal.

I went under 100 kg.

There. I said it.

And somehow, writing those words feels both incredibly joyful and absolutely terrifying.

Because this is me being brutally honest, brutally scared… and maybe, for once, brutally brave too.

I have been debating whether I should even post this. Whether I should show the number. Whether people will see it and judge me.

Because the truth is…

I am ashamed.

There. I said that too.

For a long time, my weight has been something I have carried not only on my body, but also in my head and in my heart. I have felt ashamed of what people might think when they look at me. I have wondered if people see me… or if they simply see my size.

And sometimes, I have been afraid that when people find out I once weighed 120 kg, they will look at me differently.

With disgust. Even now, with the weight now... 

And that thought still scares me.

Because we live in a world where people can judge you based on what they see, what they assume, without knowing a single thing about the person standing in front of them.

They don't know the struggles.

They don't know the reasons.

They don't know the tears.

They don't know how many times you have tried.

They don't know what it feels like to look at yourself and wonder if your body will allow you to keep up with the people you love.

And that was one of my biggest fears.

When I started this journey at 120 kg, I was genuinely afraid that I would miss out on my children's lives.

That I wouldn't have the energy.

That I wouldn't have the strength.

That I wouldn't be able to follow them, experience things with them, run around with them, be there for all those little moments that make up their childhood.

I was afraid that I would miss their lives because my body simply couldn't keep up.

And that fear became one of the reasons I decided that something had to change.

Not because I suddenly stopped loving myself.

Not because I believe my worth is measured by a number on a scale.

But because I wanted a better life.

For me.

And for my kids.

And today…

I stepped onto that scale and saw:

99.9 kg

😭😭😭

Under 100.

ME.

The girl who started at 120 kg.

The girl who never believed she would get this far.

The girl who has stumbled, struggled, gained, lost, started over, cried, doubted herself and kept going anyway.

I lost 20.1 kg from where I started.

And yes…

There is still a long way to go.

But today, I'm not going to focus on how far I still have to travel.

Today I'm going to stop and look behind me.

Because 20.1 kg is not nothing.

It is 20.1 kg of effort.

20.1 kg of choices.

20.1 kg of getting back up.

20.1 kg of refusing to give up on myself.

And maybe most importantly…

20.1 kg of proof that I can do things I once thought were impossible.

I'm still scared to show this.

I'm still scared of being judged.

I'm still carrying some of that shame.

But I'm also incredibly proud.

And maybe being brave doesn't mean you're not scared.

Maybe being brave means you are scared and you post it anyway.

So here I am.

Sharing my number.

Sharing my journey.

Sharing something that has been difficult for me to talk about.

Because this isn't just a number.

It's a milestone.

It's a reminder of how far I've come.

And today, I'm allowing myself to celebrate it.

I reached my first goal 🎉😭❤️

I never, ever believed I would get this far.

But I did.

And I'm not done yet. ❤️

99.9 kg.

I finally got to say it.

And for today…

I'm going to let myself be proud.

I DID IT 🎉😭❤️

- Merry -