Weight journey

There is something I have been ashamed to talk about for a long time... 

Some people know I’ve been going to the hospital for check ups related to my weight. I started this journey in February 2023 after seeing a number on the scale that shocked me. I had never weighed that much before, and it broke something in me emotionally. And, well... I thought about my future, and my kids future... That I still wish to be here for them in many years to come. So I had no choice but to kick my own ass out of this. 

People who have never struggled with weight may not understand how deeply it affects you. The shame. The comments. Feeling uncomfortable in your own body. Feeling judged just for existing. Those things stay with you for years.

Back in 2010, I lost 20 kg on my own and was incredibly proud of myself. For the first time in my life, I could wear size 38 jeans. But even then, despite what others saw, I still saw a fat girl when I looked at myself. That mindset never truly left me. Sadly with pregnancy, weight got up again. 

So when I started again in 2023, I truly believed I could do it alone. And in the beginning, I did well. What helped me then was a wave of positivity coming to my life, motivation and faith in myself.

 For the first time in a long time, life did not feel quite as heavy, and that gave me strength to keep going. I lost 15 kg within a few months.

But life became heavy again, and slowly some of the weight came back. I felt like I had failed. I was exhausted from always trying to be strong. To always meet people's expectations. 

Now it’s May 2026, and after years of follow-ups, tests, and trying everything I could, my weight completely stalled. The doctors asked me again if I wanted to try medication, and they recommended it. I had always said no, because to me it felt like cheating. But eventually I said yes.

Honestly, I felt ashamed. I Feel ashamed. Which is why I haven't even shared it with my family. 

But today something happened that made me realize maybe this is helping, after a bit more than one month on this medicine. 

We were at McDonald’s, and for the first time in... I don't know how long, I could not finish my meal. I actually stopped halfway through because I felt full.

And weirdly enough… even though part of me felt guilty for not finishing my food, another part of me felt hopeful.

So this is me opening up about it. Maybe someday I won’t feel so ashamed anymore. I can hope...and no matter what, I will go forward without thinking about what others think or say. I am done with caring about that. After all, what I do is for myself and for myself alone ♥️ 

Keep shining, Keep smiling ❤️ 

- Merry -