Unlocked...

For a while now, I have felt unplugged. Like if I was Locked. Like before. On a non feel state. Not able to feel. Not able to cry...

I did not Even let myself feel the music anymore. Like if my soul was faded. Or lost in the dark. 

I tried to tuck my heart back in. To be a Stone again. A robot. Conceal, dont feel... 

So, I don't remember the last time I cried now. Until today that is. A friend of mine showed what he was working on now. A New song.

A small glimpse of that song... And I felt a rush of emotions rushing through me again. As I listened to the clip over and over again, I started crying. Cried because of joy. A New song, I was feeling very joyful for it. Tears also because of.... The song went straight to my heart immediately. It was soooo beautiful. Sounds like the PERFECT love song. EVER. And I just can't wait to hear the rest of it. 

Very often when my favorite artists release new original songs, it don't usually take Long for me to hear if it is a success for me, if I am sold, if I love it or.... If I need time to love it and let it grow on me. 

In this case, The reaction came at first tone. Even from the 33 seconds I got to hear, I could already established this:

❤️ The lyrics sound Amazing ❤️ Like a good poetry, and good words that people can feel. 

❤️ The melody is catchy and sooooo beautiful. It is something that will be easily remembered. 

❤️ The Build up we heard was very interesting and promising some good finish. 

Will be so exciting to hear when it comes out. I simply am beyond excited about this. 

And I am also happy that this song seem to have brought me back out of the robot state. I am once again Unlocked. 

How amazing the gift of music is ❤️

Merry

Valentines...

What is your relationship with Valentines Day?

Is it a day where you follow the crowd in the big urge to buy something, because the advertizing and the stores make it look very Nice and attractive to do so? 

Is it a day where you honor the one you love, and allow yourself to be a little More romantic?

Is it a bad day where you pile up in your big comfortable pjs in the couch with a bucket of popcorn and Bridget Jones movie maraton?

To go through this day, when you are a very romantic person in general, but never Have anything special happen, it kinda sucks... But it is what I am used to anyway. It is life as I know it. I have never known anything else, so that Valentines magic is something that I missed. 

Many times I have felt that love is overrated. But the same times I hear myself thinking that maybe I just havent experienced the right kind of love yet. 

Honestly, I never had any faith in what we see in the movies. From my own experience, these cute, romantic, loving moments on the screen... I love how it make me feel... But hate how Sad it also make me become too. The loneliness it bring. 

To believe that there would be people out there... Men out there, that truly invested time in things like this for their loved ones... 

In very short, brief moments, I get a tiny moment of hate towards that, feeling it disgust me, as a somehow defence for my own feelings about it. 

Truth is I really, really think it is so adorable and beautiful when couple do this, if they do. I say if, cause I still often have a hard time believing this. Even though I want to show the people I love, that I love them, every day... It would still be Nice to be shown some appreciation and love on Valentines Day, and also show it to the one you love.

I felt it was Nice to be in the TikTok Live today, listening to romantic music and enjoying laughter and a little break from life, and especially a break from House of Dragon... Even though I was reminded of this Valentines thing, I really enjoyed it anyway.

I wish everyone a lovely Valentines Day tomorrow ❤️

The Sun and the Moon

Being someones sun and shine bright,
Make their days feel light and happy, making their skin feel warm.
There's nothing wrong with being someones sun...

But what about the times when the sun has gone down, and been replaced with darkness? When everything seem a little colder in our world.
What about those that constantly live with darkness in their souls?
Those that live behind the thin veil between light and dark?

I know that I have always, since I was very young, been nicknamed "Sunshine" and been described as a person that is as sparkling as the sun and one who spread joy and light to others.

And I know that I have always been that way. I always wanted to cheer people up. Lift them up. Help. Be of use to anyone. Treat others the way I would want others to treat me. Treat others with respect, No matter who they were and how they look. Be a good person.

But after going through life, knowing it is not a ray of sunshine all the time, I would want to be like the moon.
The moon and the stars, that shine for the people, when they are lost in the darkness. To give them hope and light in their darkest moments. To give them the feeling of not being alone ❤️ 

Not Perfect

I'm coming home

Today is the day we return home. We are traveling home from Oslo, after having been here since Friday. Visited our new, little, beautiful niece, our brother/son and his fiancé.

It has been nice. It has been fun. There has been a lot of laughter. It has been good to have time off from life back home.

But then things have happened at home that I have not had the opportunity to help with. And at the same time, you have also been nervous, anxious, restless for various reasons that I will not mention here, other than that January was a tougher month than I imagined. I really hope that February will be better. Or maybe March.

Every night I missed being able to listen to my now actually favorite musician sing. But for fear of being accused even more of being antisocial, I chose to be with the others instead of watching live. But I am so incredibly grateful that I have friends who would send me screen recordings of songs that were sung.  Like "Glimpse of us" ❤️ I actually can't remember the first time I heard that song and I loved it immediately, but I never found out who has it or what it was called. Now I finally know. And hearing it with HIM was ten thousand times more beautiful, so I feel very lucky to have a screen record of it when I couldn't be there myself in the live.

Have you ever felt lonely even when you're with a lot of people?
I do. Often. But for some reason, that loneliness ends, gets paused, when I'm in Klaus Livestream. When I hear him sing when I laugh with the others. When we have fun on discord. Nothing can ever replace that for me.

I used to feel less lonely. More included. More worth. More seen. Less alone. That team used to be my source of laughter and relaxation, my source of escape from everything else that weighs heavily on my shoulders.  To come in and let yourself be drowned in the soft tones of that voice and music that I fell in love with at first listen 1 year and 10 months ago. It has become a big part of my everyday life. His music. The calming effect it has on me.

So one evening, before I went to sleep, I had to put on my own screen record and hear him sing. And I fell asleep and slept better than I have in a long time.
I did the same yesterday, put on my friend's screen record where he sings "Glimpse of us", and again I was sung to sleep and slept better than I have in a long time, without worry and stress. And I woke up today and still felt that peace and relaxation. Without a trace of despair. Without a trace of sadness. Without a trace of stress and worry, which otherwise characterizes a good deal.

No words can describe how much I value that man. He may not feel it himself, but he is a miracle. Yes, then of course the anti-voice in me comes and says that we are all miracles.  But it must be said that his music has helped me personally a lot. It has become like a medicine that you need at least one dose of every day. And as a person that used to go to sooo many concerts, loving music so much, and it being such a big part of my life, but circumstances making it very hard and difficult for me now to do so now, I feel really grateful that he have Livestreams where I can just plug in my headphones and escape to another world, disconnect from everything. In some ways, it feels a lot More intimate than a lot of other things.

I hope to hear him sing that song again. It was incredibly beautiful.

And now, Beautiful Oslo, our paths diverge. But we will meet again soon. Now I'm going to go and cuddle my little niece one last time before we head home. Back to everyday life again.

- Merry -