Thoughts in the bygone zone...

I am the one that avoid conflicts. I avoid drama for any cost. I hate it. It is wasted use of my time and energy to do drama. So I don't ever. Never Have. Never will. 

I am and have always been the person that detect drama early. I can smell it in the Air. I can sense what people that may create it. And I stay away from them. I avoid topics that lead to drama. I avoid talking about things that I know will blow up to be a big explotion. I also never confront you when I know you did something that hurt me. I avoid it. I move on. It does not mean I forget it. I never forget things that matter to me. And if you managed to hurt me, you matter to me. And I never forget when someone hurt me, broke my trust, abused it. 

I am ALSO the person that wants to do good. To spread light. To make everyone feel welcome and feel warm in their souls. I touch them with my warm, sparkling, healing hands and I immediately start to massage my fingers on wherever I touch, if it is your back, your arm or wherever it would feel natural when I met you. I am a physical being. I always wish to make you feel less uncomfortable. I always sense if people are uncomfortable, and I wanna fix it. I tend to goof myself to break the ice with laughter, or make myself seem the most stupid person present, so that others won't have to feel that way. 

If I feel that someone is Sad, I wanna hug them or make them feel better again. I wanna cheer them up. If I feel that I did something wrong to someone, I will hate myself for it. When people made me feel that I did something wrong, it will torture me forever, eat me up, and be one of many billion things that I will overthink. Even the times when I eventually ended up confused because deep within I KNEW I did nothing wrong, but the people made me question myself that way. And well, the panick within when feeling you have wronged someone, when you did No such thing.... 

I probably feel things a lot deeper than many others. A lot stronger. I am empathetic. I am sensitive. I feel what others feel. If people cry, whether it'd be a person I know or not, I feel it and I cry with them. 

I read bodylanguage very well. The non-spoken language. Nonverbal. Probably because I have trust issues and was overthinking everyones actions. Over analyzing. Because of this, I always know when people are being sincere with me. And I know when they are lying. Honesty means a lot to me. And Loyalty. 

I am strong minded, strong willed stubborn.... Just to mention some of my perhaps More darker sides... Cause everyone have them, both light and darkness, in us all. It is what we do with it, and what side we choose to act on, that counts the most.

And my dark sides can also be part of what make me strong. 

I was trained, or programmed, to not take much space. To be silent. Invisible. To never Say No. To not have a voice. To not be my own person... 

But the last two years, certain peoples entered my life and sort of was the pieces that helped to change things a bit. 

I want to have a voice now. I am not scared, or bothered with what I can not control. I let things pass, knowing I hopefully did what I could. I did my best. I don't have to be liked. I did nothing wrong. It was not my fault. And I focus on doing good. To be good. Treat others the way I would want people to treat me as well. I also never focus on how people look. The outer exterior means nothing to me, if their hearts is not shown in their actions. If their action does not prove their words are true. 

Just some thoughts.... 

Have a Beautiful Friday ❤️

Merry