Life Sucks....sometimes...

I sit down, WANTING to write something. Really empty my chest... but when I am about to write... I don't know what to write anymore...

There are these days... the low valleys of life... when everything feels heavier... when you really wished you could just... be alone, and only have yourself to think of, and still have someone by your side as a support...

I sort of hate my life at the moment. Nothing to do... nothing with meaning. Just hangin around, doin nothing... with a dayrythm that totally SUCKS! Feeling that my life is just a mess. A big chaos. A big...nothing! And I wished it was different. SO much different....

There's so many things that I always want to do... but I end up either doing none of them, or just one of them for too long time... and I've never felt so much like a stupid freak before, as I do now... A freak that gets nothing done. A total mess of a human being. I feel so much like a big mistake that never should've happened. What good have I ever done in my life? I'm just horible :(

I know that peoples love me, for who I am and for what I am for them, and what I do for them... but I still feel like a chaos. Like a mistake. Like a stupid, stupid mess that ain't worth anything, and that should not have happened. I'm just horible! :'(

I'm so happy that there are things in my life that can make me smile again. Like music...and friends... and simple words... even a slight touch by a gentle hand can make me fly again, and make my heart feel lighter... But right now... I don't think it will help much...

I'm listening to my favorite song right now. "Where The Good Times Grow" by Åge Sten Nilsen. It has such good lyrics, and it always helps me to stand tall through every storm, and keep smiling while looking forward, not back... I wish it could help me remove the emptiness and loneliness inside of me as well... But I guess there are some things that even music can't heal...

I probably shouldn't post this out here... but I totally don't care anymore...
I guess I will regret it later...

Yeah... yeah... blog to ya later!...

ML